Four Actions to Welcome Members to Your Team
Welcoming a new person or team to your group could be both exciting and scary. There is a period of adjustment that could be quite challenging if not handled well.
As leaders, consciously or not, we have the ability to push people’s buttons very frequently. The more senior we are, the more influence and buttons we have at our disposal. We want to be mindful on how we conduct ourselves. This is especially important as new members join our teams. We want to get to know them at their own pace without creating additional anxiety (having a new boss is stressful enough). It is our responsibility as leaders to create psychological safety for all people on our team.
When our buttons are pushed, often is because a) the situation or person is going against our values and/or b) the person or situation triggers the inner critic we all have.
This week, an event happened at work that elevated my level of anxiety, stress, and discomfort. As I analyzed the two factors, I concluded that the situation was going against my values of gratitude and love (or deep relationships), and it triggered my inner critic in the form of ‘you are not pleasant enough’.
Being able to pinpoint the root cause was very liberating. I could now see my catabolic energy from a different perspective, and could take steps to choose a different action, point of view, or thought.
Here are some ideas to help us navigate the ambiguous period of getting to know and trust each other.
1) Be clear on the goals and expectations and flexible on the how people get there
I think about it this way: I ask someone to get me a tall soy vanilla latte from Starbucks by 3:00 pm (this is the goal and expectation). The person can decide which Starbucks to go to, which route to take, and at what specific time (the how people get there).
Of course, I can always share my knowledge and experience and make some recommendations or provide a starting point.
There may be goals that have to be performed in a very specific manner. In these cases I let the person know including the reasons for being prescriptive. Most of the times, even if the person does not agree, they can understand and move forward.
“Don’t tell people how to do things; tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results.” George Patton
2) Pick your battles
This is an important principle in all relationships, and it is never the same with everyone. There may be people on your team that are ready for the extra nudge and you may strongly advocate for certain actions. It is important to make the distinction between encouraging and imposing.
Sadly, there are people who enforce disguised as boosting. The recipient knows the difference and most likely will not appreciate the manipulation.
On the other hand, sometimes we can not see the difference; we think we are inspiring when in reality we are demanding. To help with the latter, I imagine the situation minus the action I am encouraging. If there are no red flags, I know I may be leaning towards imposing.
“They will win who know when to fight and when not to fight.” Sun Tzu
3) Keep in mind the ‘what’s in it for me’ principle
This one took a while for me to internalize and master. At the end of the day, we are all motivated by the things that are important to us. We may yield to others in power, or to people we love. For behavior to be consistent, it has to be perceived as a benefit to us.
For example, if I recommend someone on my team to work on his presentation skills, I may appeal to his desire to be promoted, or to be known by people senior to him.
Unfortunately, many ‘leaders’ still use threats, which may be effective in the short term. We know that in the long run speaking to people’s desires and motivations will stand the test of time, and make the relationship deeper.
“Motivation is the art of getting people to do what you want them to do because they want to do it.” Dwight D. Eisenhower
4) Be patient
I see leaders failing in this category over and over and over. People bond with other people at different speed. Some people are more comfortable being vulnerable and open themselves up quickly. Others need more time to observe before fully trusting.
As leaders, consistency is key. I operate under the assumption that it will take time for people to know me and to put their trust in me. It is a marathon, not a sprint. I also take my time to observe the other person’s actions before I can say I trust them.
“Patience attracts happiness; it brings near that which is far.” Swahili proverb
Great leaders are aware of their power to create anxiety or certainty, and they choose the latter. They know that consistency, trust, and patience are key. Anabolic leaders approach life and work from the perspectives of co-creation, synthesis, and acceptance.
In the comments, share how you approach welcoming new people on your team, or how you’d like to be approached; I would love to know more. You can write your comments in English, Spanish, Portuguese, or French.
My mission is to help women transform their inner voice from critic and withholder to champion and enabler, so they can confidently realize and fulfill their potential achieving what they want most for themselves, their families, communities, organizations, and teams.