Four Ways To Manage Change
Don’t have time to read the entire post now? Watch this video with the summary.
First, A Story
Once upon a time a farmer owned an old mule who tripped and fell into the farmer’s well. The farmer heard the mule braying and was unable to figure out how to bring up the old animal. It grieved him that he could not pull the mule out. Although the farmer sympathized with the mule, he called his neighbors together and told them what had happened. He asked them to help haul dirt to bury the old mule in the well and quietly put her out of her misery.
At first, the old mule was puzzled, but as the farmer and his neighbors continued shoveling and the dirt hit her back, she had a thought: she ought to shake off the dirt and step up. And she did just that. ‘Shake it off and step up… shake it off and step up… shake it off and step up.’ Even though she took painful blows of dirt and fought panic, she just kept right shaking it off and stepping up.
It was not long before the old mule stepped up and over the lip of that well. What could have buried her actually blessed her… all because of the manner in which she handled her adversity.
“In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.” Abraham H. Maslow, American psychologist
Seeking And Encountering Change
The biggest and fastest collective change we have experienced in our lifetime was the pandemic. Overnight we went into lockdown, to work and learn from home all day every day, and to be isolated from anyone outside of our household.
Two years later, I cannot help but wonder if I would have wanted to skip the pandemic chapter of my life. Each of us had our own battles. Whether they were big or small depended on our perspective and how well prepared (or not) we were.
I do not wish for another pandemic or equivalent. At the same time, the insights I gained, what I learned about myself, and others was priceless. Skipping that chapter of my life would have delayed my personal growth. So, I am keeping it.
We know this phrase well: change is constant. Every day, there are changes in our bodies, thoughts, environment. Often, we seek variety, a change of pace, something different.
Other times, change happens to us, and we resist it. We become sad or angry and our inner critic fires up all kinds of messages – you can’t do this, it’s too hard; I told you so; this is a disaster! Who do you think you are going after a c-suite position?
I propose four techniques to allow us to yield to change and learn from it.
1) See all the available choices
We control much more in our environment than we originally realize or admit.
Imagine that you are leaving work and it starts to rain. You are not wearing the right shoes; you left your umbrella at home.
We agree that you cannot control if it rains or not. You can control, however, how you are going to handle the situation at hand.
There are several options: You could take a break and stay inside longer until the worst of the rain passes. Someone else could have an umbrella you can borrow. This may be a chance to be childish and simply get wet. Or this is the time you commit to getting in shape because you realized you could not run across the street.
The challenge is that, at that moment, we usually feed our bad wolf with a running commentary of ‘it had to rain at exactly 5:00 pm and on the day I forgot my umbrella! You idiot! I will never make it home on time.’
Instead, we want to feed our good wolf by reminding ourselves we always have a choice.
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Dan Millman, American self-help writer
2) Ride the wave of emotion
Whether we decide on the change such as getting another job, or change happens to us like losing our job, we will experience emotions.
When the emotions are uncomfortable or catabolic (i.e., based on stress and fear) we tend to avoid them and do not process them correctly.
To regulate and process our emotions productively, think about them as a wave. Emotions rise in the body and eventually they dissipate.
While the emotion is running high, we ride the wave. This means that we sit with and experience the emotion instead of running away from it.
There are usually three phases to riding the wave of emotion. The first one is to notice it. For me it is easier to start how my body is feeling. Am I getting hot? Do I feel the blood rushing through my veins? Am I about to cry?
Once we notice what is happening, phase two is, then, to name that emotion or feeling. I feel angry, frustrated, disappointed, happy, elated.
The last phase is to choose a tool to become secure and calm. For example, we can take a deep breath (or several). Go to our happy place and think about a specific time when we were secure and calm. Or watch a video to soothe our senses.
“The greatest discovery of all time is that people can change their future by merely changing their attitude.” Unknown
3) Identify opportunities
All change brings with it many opportunities and possibilities that we would not have contemplated otherwise.
I remember early on in my career, one of my colleagues who was at least two levels above me, went on vacation for a week. I went to our boss and told her that I wanted to do my colleague’s job while she was out. To my surprise, my boss agreed. I trained with my colleague for a few days and off she went.
This was the mid-nineties so there were limited mobile devices, no remote access… when you were out of the office you were truly out. During that week, all the difficult cases and people (customers and colleagues) appeared. I felt like crying every day of that week. This was my first serious job. I was fresh out of high school. It was the most challenging time of my career at that point. I doubted myself many times.
Deep down I knew this rite of passage was important. And because I was the one who asked for it, I felt I could not back out of it. My boss was extremely supportive. I came out the other side with the satisfaction of having accomplished what it seemed ‘impossible’ at the time. A few months later, I got the great news that I had become a permanent employee in the group. And that was how it all began…
“Some changes look negative on the surface, but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.” Eckhart Tolle, German writer
4) Practice gratitude
Gratitude is such an underestimated practice and in many cases something we do automatically. When we exercise gratitude more deeply, it has the power to transform ourselves and every situation into something else. It is magical.
There are many aspects of gratitude. We can do it for general topics, for one specific situation or person, and we can be thankful to others.
My gratitude practice has two main components. One is daily gratitude where I write down what I am grateful for. The other is to thank other people. Every Friday I have a task called ‘send a thank you note to at least three people’.
Thanking other people teaches me how much I need and want them in my life. As much as I can, I try to be specific in my note. Instead of saying ‘thank you for everything that you do’, I may say ‘I appreciate how much time and preparation you put on the slides; it saved us a lot of time and made our team look brilliant.’
I invite you to try thanking others especially at work. Caution: it can cause elevated levels of popularity and love.
“Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer, American writer
Before You Go, A Final Word
Change is our only constant. It is inevitable, sometimes difficult, and absolutely necessary for growth, evolution, and progress. Fearless leaders seek and embrace change and encourage their followers to do the same.
Resisting change will not make it go away. There is a lot within our control – from the choice to take a deep breath to re-center ourselves to selecting which course of action to take. We can choose to focus on what we are learning as we go through the cycle of change.
The insights about ourselves and others we gain while going through the change are extraordinary.
Seeking and embracing change is key in personal and professional growth, championing innovation, and achieving our riskier and more exciting goals.
We can yield and adapt to change. Even when change is voluntary like getting a new job, partner, or house, it takes time and effort to adjust. Once we stop resisting and embrace it, we will go through the cycle and obtain the benefits of the change faster.
What do you do to yield and adapt to change? Please, let us know in the comments.
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to help underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions using mental fitness to achieve peak performance, peace of mind, and healthier relationships.