How To Balance Being And Doing

Posted On February 20, 2022

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We live in a society where we worship the doing and completely relegate the being. Our days are driven by how productive we are, how many things we tick off our to-do lists, and how many hours we stay awake doing something. Many of us feel guilty when we are resting and recovering. Idle hands are the devil’s workshop after all.

We are no longer comfortable with ourselves. We hide behind the doing to avoid our own being. How do I know that? Hello, my name is Gertrudis, and I am a doaholic (yes, I made up this word).

We love telling people how busy we are. And people love telling us, ‘I know you’re super busy…’ or ‘I have been so busy lately…’ To be busy is a badge of honor. To work on our day off or during our vacation is so expected that we travel with our work laptop and keep checking work emails on our phone during the ‘down’ time of our vacation. 

I have always thought that the longer the to-do list, the better. That meant I could accomplish many things that day and that I would not have idle time. I got a physical jolt of pleasure every time I crossed something off. It made me feel productive, like I contributed to society, that I did my duty even when the activities on the list were of no consequence.

But like any other vice, it comes with a high price tag. My impostor syndrome was off the chart, my achievements were coming from insecurity and a desire to show everyone else that I had the right to be at the table. So much energy wasted! I was seeking external validation and trying to be something or someone else.

I am a recovering doaholic. Don’t get me wrong: it gives me immense pleasure to have ‘productive days’. And I also take time to rest, recover, and have fun. The most difficult part of my recovery has been learning to be. It is scary, like going on a blind date or meeting someone important to you for the first time.

Seeking that center between being and doing does not mean that we become lazy, that we lower our standards at work and in our life, or that we use ‘being’ as an excuse to not do the important things.

I have not stopped planning my week, month, or year. I define my goals and what I want for myself. I pursue working on my craft, creating and modifying habits, or removing those that no longer serve me. I continue to learn and grow every day.

So, what is different?

1) I let life happen. I make plans for a certain timeline to the best of my ability. For example, when I visit my family out of town, I buy my train or airplane ticket and reserve the hotel with enough time in advance to pay a reasonable price. As a doaholic, before my recovery, I would have mapped out how the departure day would look like, to the point of where and when I would get lunch or coffee… a month in advance! And God forbids I arrive minutes later than anticipated… it would have been a complete catastrophe even if I were still on time.

2) I take breaks. After an hour or so of focused effort, I take a five-minute break (or ten). I look out the window or do something for self-care. During that break, I am not looking at emails or thinking ‘what if they IM me and they see me as ‘away’ or ‘inactive’?’

3) I focus on what is important. I start my day with the tasks that are most relevant and that require brain power (i.e., the big rocks). Most of the time, it is one task, maybe two. I am transforming my list from a to-do list to a success list.

“Being is your deepest self.” Eckhart Tolle

Being is extremely difficult. It is much easier to hide behind the doing and never have to discover what is inside us, what it means to be us. We are so afraid of not measuring up to imaginary standards set by others.

Here is a secret to put your mind at ease. Others are equally or more scared of not measuring up to the standards they imagine you have. Here is another secret: people only care about themselves so they are not paying as much attention to you as you think they are.

Be and do your best because that is what gives you pleasure and motivation, not because you think it will make someone else happy.

Seeking that center between being and doing will increase your confidence and people will notice. At first, they will say things like ‘you look great!’ because they cannot put their finger on what is different about you.

By not focusing on being the best as a way to overcome your impostor syndrome, you will become the best from a deeper place in yourself. As a result, the impostor will leave, and you will have access to that inner and higher power within you.

What do you do to balance between being and doing? Please, let us know in the comments.

As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to help underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions by creating awareness, increasing emotional intelligence, and unveiling the tools and choices available to them.