How to Embrace Diversity and Inclusion: A Guide for Leaders and Individuals
There is no doubt that we live in more diverse societies. With globalization, immigration (including involuntary displacement due to war or natural disasters), and technological advancements, we are no longer confined to our cultural, ethnic, or national boundaries.
Human beings are wired to be part of a tribe. This is how our ancestors stayed safe, obtained food, and raised their offspring. We are programmed to trust our tribe.
And here is the paradox: we need our tribe for survival and we fear ‘the others’ (anyone caught the Lost reference?), those who are not part of our tribe (our family of origin, community, country, etc.).
Fear is at the root of our bias, discrimination, and stereotyping. It is a mechanism for survival useful when we had to fight for limited resources. But in today’s world of abundance, it is a glitch in the program that could significantly hinder us at work and in society at large.
Fortunately, most of us are not in the jungle anymore (although sometimes that is not as apparent as I’d like). Our fear of ‘the others’ is purely in our brains, informed by the fear of people who came before us (parents, grandparents), and amplified by people in power.
How do we stop being afraid of ‘the others’? By becoming familiar with them. Once we know them, they are no longer strangers.
Have you ever been surprised to learn something about your coworkers beyond their role at work? Even more astonished when, in spite of apparent differences, you have more in common with this person than with some family members or friends?
“I think that hate is a feeling that can only exist where there is no understanding” – Tennessee Williams, American playwright and screenwriter
I invite you to be more intentional about becoming familiar with the unknown including ‘the others’ – people representing different genders, ethnicity, socio-economic background, religion, or thoughts. In the words of Edith Eger ‘what if the unknown could make us curious instead of gut us with fear?’
Here are some starting points.
1) Take a sincere interest in other people
One of the most significant barriers to embracing diversity is ignorance. Educating ourselves on different cultures, values, and ways of life is crucial, as it helps us understand and appreciate the differences that make us unique.
There is nothing more refreshing than to find warm people who are sincerely interested and curious about us.
Humans have an intrinsic and strong desire to connect in a meaningful manner.
There are two ways I find most helpful:
a) To ask questions about their activities, hobbies, etc. When people give me a glimpse of their interest, I frequently find myself saying “tell me more”.
b) Reading about and from people with a different background, ethnicity, religion, or gender identity. Great books open our minds to a different perspective and pique our curiosity.
As I know more about the other person it is more difficult to keep any initial bias. It is harder to dislike them.
“I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.” Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States
2) Listen to understand, without judgment
This used to be extremely difficult to do for me; now it is only difficult. Progress!
When people talk about something misaligned with my believes or values, my first reaction is to shut down and start creating my comeback argument.
Then I remind myself that I want to understand. So, I take a deep breath, stop drafting, and ask a question.
During Covid one of my colleagues said that he really admired how Florida was dealing with the situation by letting people decide for themselves if they would wear a mask or not.
I could physically feel words of retort bubbling up in my throat. Then I heard my sage’s whisper with the reminder of ‘listen to understand’. I took a deep breath and dissolved the first bubbles.
At that moment, as my body relaxed after a few breaths, I realized how liberating it was to let go of judgment, of trying to persuade someone to change their mind.
Instead of wanting him to think “more like me”, I respected his perspective. And in the process, I learned something new about him: he values freedom to make his own decisions. Something to keep in mind as we worked on tasks or projects together.
“We may have all come on different ships, but we’re in the same boat now.” Martin Luther King, Jr., American Baptist minister and civil rights movement leader
3) Make others feel seen
All of us regardless of age, origin, race, gender, or sexual orientation want to be seen, acknowledged. We want to feel normal.
The first skills I learned when I was training to become a certified coach were to acknowledge and validate, to make the other person feel seen and normal.
It was life changing for me. Once I understood that each reaction is normal for that person, my judgment significantly decreased. My own experience only mattered to create empathy.
A few months ago one of my mentees was telling me about a situation he was going through at work. He was worried and anxious about it.
My response could have been ‘oh, don’t worry about it; it’s nothing! You’re making a big deal of a small thing.’ Would he have felt seen? Would he have felt normal or like the only person in the world who made a big deal out of nothing (aka a freak)?
But when I told him ‘based on what I know about you, it is understandable and normal that you would feel this way’ I heard him exhale in relief. He was not a freak, he was normal. He felt seen. Now we had the space, brain, and energy to problem-solve.
From the other person’s perspective, whatever they are doing or saying makes complete sense. It does not matter if we would do the same or not. We are not them.
“If one does not understand the person, one tends to regard him as a fool.” Carl Jung, Swiss psychiatrist founder of analytical psychology
One more thing before you go
Embracing diversity is not just the right thing to do; it is essential for the continued success and prosperity of individuals, organizations, and society.
Humans are tribal; we need others for our survival. This was true millions of years ago when we were roaming the wilderness, and it is true today.
At the same time, we are terrified of those we consider strangers. The survival part of our brain catalogs them as threats to us and to our tribe.
Fortunately, we can override our brain’s “survival mode” by exercising curiosity (instead of judgment) and empathy. This way we can quickly send the signal to our brain that this person is no longer a stranger.
I found the movie Invictus an inspiring example of how to bring two distinct groups together by creating a common goal and in the process making them become familiar with each other.
We can create an environment where people feel welcome, accepted.
Most of us think that we are the only ones with a specific type of imperfection, reaction, perspective, which could make us feel embarrassed or ashamed.
When we tell someone “your reaction is normal, understandable”, we are saying “I see you; you’re not a freak, only human.” And that makes all the difference.
As leaders, it is our responsibility to model these behaviors and create environments where everyone feels valued, respected, and included.
What do you do to become familiar with people different than you? Please, let us know in the comments.
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to empower underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions using mental fitness to achieve peak performance, peace of mind, and healthier relationships.