How To Increase Confidence
Confidence is one of the most important attributes of leaders and yet it seems to be so elusive. Some people think we either are or are not confident. Other people think that our circumstances (where we were born, where we went to school, our job, etc.) make us confident.
We can tell when someone appears confident and yet we have a hard time articulating what confidence is. We know it when we see it. Confidence is defined as a feeling that we can rely on our own or others’ ability to lead in a specific situation.
People who are confident show it in the way they speak without hesitation, in the questions they ask, in how fast and accurately they make decisions. And the beauty of it all is that we are all attracted to confident people. We want someone to tell us what to do.
When we were still living in caves, the tribe leader guided the group to places to be safe, hunt, and find food. The rest of the tribe did not have to use their brain power to figure it out. It was Nature’s way to give us a shortcut and thus save energy.
Fast forward to our present time. We want ‘experts’ to tell us what to do: how to manage our money, health, career, and family. And we want those experts to be confident, not hesitant or doubtful. All these experts provide us with a shortcut – we do not have to figure out everything ourselves.
In turn, we want to be confident to provide a shortcut to others (our team at work, children, community, etc.). And here is the good news. Confidence is not determined at birth or by circumstances.
“People are looking for people who know what they are talking about to tell them what to do.” Unknown
We established that confidence is a feeling. So how do we get that feeling? It is earned based on prior results. Go back to the time you were learning to read. At the beginning you were hesitant and slowly mouthed each letter and syllable. How do you read now? You do not even think about it. You are so confident that you assure your kids they will learn how to read.
Similarly, let us go back to our very first day in our very first ‘serious’ job. Most of us likely realized how unprepared we were even with some years of college under our belt. We learned; we showed results and the feeling of confidence started to emerge. We may now think of our younger self and say ‘why was I so afraid?’
Because confidence is a feeling resulting from evidence in our ability to do something, it is fluid. We can be confident in one area and not in another. For example, I am very confident in my ability to produce a report using Excel. I am not confident, though, in performing surgery to remove the appendix.
In my opinion, it is divide and conquer. I do not need to be confident to perform surgery because there are others who are. And maybe the surgeon does not know anything about Excel. We do not need (and do not want) to be all for all.
The third important characteristic to know about confidence is that it requires maintenance because it is based on results on specific abilities. If we do not use a skill it becomes dormant. The brain seems to archive it to save energy.
“Confidence is that feeling by which the mind embarks in great and honorable courses with a sure hope and trust in itself.” Cicero
So how can we gain the feeling of confidence?
1) Action
In order to have results and gain expertise we have to take action, do something. For anything new, it is very important to start with small steps, even if they seem ridiculously small. It is much better to do something – anything – than to wait until we define bigger steps. And record your wins for the day and the wins you expect for the following day. This will show the results, and confidence will start to surface.
“Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear.” Norman Vincent Peale
2) Consistency
It is extremely important to perform the action with a consistent frequency (daily, weekly, monthly, etc.). Once more, small steps performed consistently win the race. The turtle never stopped walking; it performed small, consistent actions towards the finish line. It is not always how fast, it is how persistent.
“Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work.” Unknown
3) Exposure
When I was still somewhat junior in my career, part of my role was to take minutes in one of the Executive Committee meetings (CEO and direct reports). I would be by far the most junior person in the room. The first time I was terrified. I had three different pens, turned off my phone, came to the room one hour before the meeting to confirm all was working properly. I never spoke in those meetings. Being there, though, exposed me to how people at their level behaved, how they processed information, how they bantered, etc.
As I grew in my career and it was my turn to speak in executive forums, I was no longer afraid. I had gain some level of confidence by being in what appeared to be, from the outside, an intimidating group of people. My previous experience of being there taking notes, helped me confirm that it was a safe environment. In addition, I had a solid starting point on what information to prepare and how to deliver it.
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’” Eleanor Roosevelt
What do you do to gain confidence? What is one action you will commit to perform consistently to gain confidence in a specific area? Please, let us know in the comments. You can write in English, Spanish, Portuguese or French.
My mission is to help women transform their inner voice from critic to champion, so they can confidently realize and fulfill their potential achieving what they want most for themselves, their families, communities, organizations, and teams.