How To Increase Patience
Last week I caught a virus currently making its rounds in the Northeast that includes the combo of laryngitis, cough, runny nose, and congestion. It was challenging. I went to the urgent care with one goal: to get a prescription that would restore back to health in a matter of hours. I give credit to the attending doctor who was kind enough not to laugh in my face.
Because it is a virus, medication only alleviates the symptoms. There is no other option but to weather the storm and patiently wait for the body to heal in due course, outside of my direct control. At this point I had two options: a) to allow room for my frustration at myself for getting myself sick; b) to surrender.
This time around I opted for the second option. I rearranged my schedule in and out of work considering that I had to rest my voice for a few days. I asked co-workers to lead conversations at certain meetings and to pay attention to the chat box where I wrote my questions and comments.
Patience has been the toughest subject for me in the school of life. I am a woman of goals, plans, strategy, and action. And because I put so much effort and energy into everything I do, I expect to see constant results.
And over and over and over and over again, all the challenging situations I receive in life are to teach me one thing: patience.
Patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset. The last two words are key here. We are all doomed to wait for something or someone, but how we use that waiting time and space is the difference between patience and impatience.
Like many aspects of self-command, patience is a skill, and it requires practice to develop. I have found that the combination of awareness, acceptance, and trusting the process (or faith) works well to increase our patience.
Even though developing patience has been challenging for me, being patient has been very liberating. Things, events, people will take the time they need to unfold. In that interval I have a choice – and this is the liberating aspect.
I can resist and be upset because things are not happening at the pace I want. Or I can take a deep breath and surrender: pay attention at what is happening in that interval and create space to enjoy life.
Not all patience (or impatience) is created equally
You may have noticed that you are very patient with kids but not with yourself. Or that you are very patient with the everyday occurrences in life but not with projects at work.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses when it comes to patience and what we can tolerate and accept. This is driven by our life perspective, what we consider good or bad, right or wrong.
Some people have high interpersonal patience, patience with other people, their demands, and their failings.
Others have life hardship patience; they persevere in the face of any difficulty.
And some have high daily hassles patience, which is being patient while dealing with circumstances beyond our control.
How can we increase our patience?
1) Practicing mindfulness increases our awareness, which in turn helps us grow our acceptance. Add gratitude to the mix and we also expand our faith. Focusing our attention on something – our breathing, the details of the task we are doing, praying, etc. – for five minutes every day is all we need to start.
2) Self-talk is important. Calling myself an impatient person does not help me develop patience. On the contrary. Remember that, thanks to the RAS what we focus on we attract or create more of. For this reason, I concentrate on patience vs. impatience.
3) When we are playing any game with another person or another team, usually each one takes turns to play. This is how I think about myself and the Universe. I do my part, which could be exercising, studying, creating a plan, etc. Then it is the Universe’s turn to play. The Universe has its own time, which sometimes may seem like too long. This is the perfect opportunity to exercise the patience muscles. While waiting for the Universe’s next move, I observe, reflect, and in some cases shift my focus to the next project.
“Learning patience can be a difficult experience, but once conquered, you will find life is easier.” Catherine Pulsifer, author
In the spirit of patience, these practices take time and consistency. As time goes by, like compound interest, it will surprise you how much patience you have.
Every decision in our lives is either a high-frequency one (mindset of abundance, power, can do attitude) or a low-frequency one (mindset of fear, lack, or defeat). We are aiming for accumulating as many high-frequency choices as we can so we can bring high-frequency experiences into our lives.
Slow down, breathe, connect to your higher self, and act with intention. What you focus on you attract more of.
What do you do to develop patience? Please, let us know in the comments.
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to help underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions by creating awareness, increasing emotional intelligence, and unveiling the tools and choices available to them.