My Money Story
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In 2022 the topic of money came front and center again as I set a goal this year to create passive income (i.e., earnings from sources other than my employer or contractor). So, my RAS (Reticular Activating System) has been filtering money-related information.
That is how I came across a scary article in the New York Times about how women do not have enough money to retire comfortably. And how I learned about money dates and decided to facilitate these conversations with friends and family.
It pains me to know that even in the era when many women are the main earners in the household, we still have so little control, knowledge, and respect for our money. The reality is that women live longer, are more likely to be single parents, and are more apt to encounter illnesses that require long-term care. And we are still earning less than men for the same job – the earning gap is even wider for women of color.
Most of us of a certain age did not grow up discussing the topic of money at home. It was either considered an ‘adult’ conversation, our parents did not want to worry us, or there was simply no money to talk about. We saw our parents work in exchange for a paycheck. We knew things were not free and that money did not grow up on trees (ah, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that phrase I would not have to worry about having enough for retirement).
What is my money story?
I started to work during the summers when I was fourteen. I felt rich with my paycheck – and yes, it was actually a check that I could touch (and lose if I was not careful). I could finally buy things that were ‘too expensive’ according to my mother’s criteria. It was then that I started to make the connection between money, choices, and independence. This connection is the reason I decided to permanently and formally work while I was going to college. I wanted to have my own money, and not ask my parents, because that meant I had to ask for permission to do or buy the things I wanted.
Even though I have been in the financial industry all my adult life, it was not until my early thirties when I looked at my income and expenses ‘in the face’, and I started to learn about money. At that time, I had no emergency fund, I realized I was spending more than I was earning (thanks to the magic of credit cards), and I had an apartment that lost at least half its value after the real estate bubble burst resulting in having an upside-down mortgage (i.e., I owed more than my apartment was worth).
When I saw the cold, black and white numbers on my spreadsheet that first time in 2009, I cried. I realized that I had wasted time and money and if I wanted to continue to have choices and independence, I would have to take a completely different approach.
How did I start to respect my money?
I bought one of Suze Orman’s book, 9 Steps To Financial Freedom, where I learned that money is an energy and it does not have any inherent goodness or evil in it. It all depends on the judgment we assign to it. And we want to respect our money, similar to how we respect ourselves, by giving it particular attention and consideration.
At that moment, I realized that I had made another connection growing up related to money: I thought having a lot of money meant that I would lose my essence as a good person. There were so many stories, comments, messages in between the lines from the people and the media around me (not only at home) depicting people with money as bad, that I did not want to have money so I would not become one of them. I believed then in the saying ‘money is the root of all evil.’
This awareness lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. Money meant whatever I wanted it to mean. I could use it to donate to causes important to me, to invest in companies aligned with my values, to not become a burden to others in my old age, to support artists and entrepreneurs by going to the theater or museums or buying from local vendors.
Looking back, I am glad I had that decisive moment with my numbers. I immediately started to respect my money by creating a detailed expense tracker, decoding my paycheck, taking care of my debts, and creating an emergency fund.
“Respect attracts money; disrespect repels money. ” Suze Orman, American financier
What Suze Orman had described in her book about receiving more once we started respecting our money happened to me. A few months after I began to care for my money back in 2009, I got a promotion at work, which represented a substantial pay raise. I knew better and I had created some productive financial habits. I used the extra cash to pay off my debts and build my emergency fund faster.
Fast forward to 2022 and this is how my current financial picture looks like.
- I have an emergency fund that would allow me to live comfortably for one year if I lost my job
- I contribute the maximum allowed by the IRS to my retirement fund
- I have investments outside of my retirement plan
- My liabilities (what I owe to others) represent 1.5% of my assets (what I own)
- My net worth is 38 times higher now than in January 2011
“Money is power, freedom, a cushion, the root of all evil, the sum of blessings.” Carl Sandburg, American poet
The fear of the unknown, burying our head in the sand, and talking about money in hushed tones end now. Let us take the bull by the horns to create awareness of the messages and emotions we tell ourselves about money, learn the quantitative aspects of it, and generate choices for ourselves and our families.
What does money mean to you? Please, let us know in the comments.
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to help underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions by creating awareness, increasing emotional intelligence, and unveiling the tools and choices available to them.