Overcoming Languishing: Tips to Regain Motivation and Purpose
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Have you ever felt “blah”, “meh”, like you don’t care about anything or anyone? That some days you are in automatic pilot but without the zest or the excitement about the new day? This fantastic article from Adam Grant in the New York Times explains these feelings, which I experienced profoundly during the pandemic, and that sometimes still resurface.
Adam Grant writes “languishing is a sense of stagnation and emptiness. It feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield.”
What a relief! We are not alone – millions of people suffer from it. Equally important, this wasn’t just in my head; it is a real phenomenon with a proper name: languishing.
I think I may have confused my state of languishing, bordering on depression, with burnout. Or perhaps I experienced all three. When I think about it objectively, I am not sure where I found the inner motivation, drive, and strength to connect to work every day, stay healthy, and provide some sort of emotional and moral support to those around me. No wonder I felt exhausted, confused, and depleted of ideas and goals by the end of 2020.
Having routines in place was extremely helpful. I was able to go on autopilot with exercise, meditation, cooking, work, etc. and somehow, they paid off, keeping somewhat sane.
This paragraph from the article struck a nerve: “Part of the danger is that when you’re languishing, you might not notice the dulling of delight or the dwindling of drive. You don’t catch yourself slipping slowly into solitude; you’re indifferent to your indifference. When you can’t see your own suffering, you don’t seek help or even do much to help yourself.”
I was definitely indifferent to my indifference, just going through the motions of my routines. I felt guilty for feeling so low because my problems were not ‘real problems’: I had my job, financial stability, my health, and social interaction. So why on earth was I feeling so low? I finally sought help in the last quarter of 2020 when I could not be indifferent, and it became clear that I was rapidly moving toward hopelessness.
So how can we overcome languishing? Here are six tips, combining insights from the article with my own experience.
1) Name the Feeling
When I read the article and recognized myself in it, I felt so much lighter, as if I had instantly lost a few pounds. It was such a relief!
It is like finally having a name for the weird growth on your skin, or the nagging pain in your hand. For me it was like “Okay, we have a name; now we can do a better search on the Internet for next steps.”
Naming the feeling also enhances our empathy. We can identify the emotion in ourselves and others and communicate our understanding of what they’re feeling.
2) Get into Flow
Flow occurs when we are so deeply engaged in an activity that we lose track of time. According to Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, total focus is a sense of oneness with what you’re doing.
After reading Adam Grant’s article, I allowed myself to open the lens of what activities could put me into flow. I always thought they had to be projects directly connected to my purpose, like writing.
Fortunately, we can use ‘lesser’ tasks to get into flow to overcome languishing – like crocheting, coloring, or even doing the dishes.
3) Give Yourself Uninterrupted Time
Of course, to be in flow, we need to carve out the time to do so. When it comes to our attitude towards time, some people see abundance (“I have time to do everything important to me”), and others see scarcity (“I don’t have time for anything!”).
The beauty of time is that no matter who you are, where you live, or how old you are, we all have exactly 24 hours in the day, 60 minutes in an hour, and 60 seconds in a minute. No more, no less.
Start treating uninterrupted time as if it were a doctor’s appointment – or better yet, a health treatment appointment. If you had to go to physical therapy and their only opening is Tuesdays and Thursdays at 10:00 am, you would likely make those times work. Uninterrupted time is health therapy for languishing, and it is worth trying it.
Start small with 5 minutes, 10 minutes, and gradually increase. Small consistent steps win the race.
4) Focus on a Small Goal
Nothing feels better like a win, no matter the size. Every time we check something off our list, we can feel the hit of dopamine being released.
I set weekly goals, and I try to keep them to a maximum of three. Often, these objectives align to bigger goals, like losing weight or exercising. However, sometimes it’s just about finally tackling something I have been putting off for a while.
Pair weekly planning with daily wins and shortly you will be saying “Languishing who?” Each day, jot down what you consider your wins. I usually do this towards the end of the workday, right before I turn off my computer. These wins can be of any size; they don’t have to be life changing. Some of mine include:
- Contributed to a collaborative article on LinkedIn.
- Did laundry
- Scheduled next month’s payments.
5) Help Others
If I could travel in time back to 2020 (yes, I said it!), the one thing I would do differently is volunteer.
When we help others, regardless of whether they’re less fortunate than us, we immediately get out of our heads. We are forced to focus on someone else, giving us a much-needed reprieve from our own thoughts.
I admit that I have been lacking lately in this department – something to rectify in the remainder of this year and the next.
6) Take Time Out
I recently heard about a manager who told their employees that they could call in sick or call in sad.
When we have a cold and are not feeling physically well, most of us are okay calling in sick. Our emotional and mental health should be treated with the same respect. There is no need to go into details. The word “indisposed” is a wonderful one – it immediately tells the listener (or reader) that today we are not feeling 100% and we need to rest and recover.
“Do what you can, where you are, with what you have.” Teddy Roosevelt, 26th President of the United States
One More Thing Before You Go
It is perfectly normal to feel languishing temporarily throughout our lives – it is almost inevitable. I believe this is one way our body alerts us that it is time to recalibrate the intensity of our existence. We may need to dial it up or to slow down.
Thankfully, there are tools we can use to overcome languishing. Having a name for what we are feeling and knowing that others are on the same boat was liberating for me. Experiment with the tips in this article and see how you feel. Start with those that resonate most or that pique your curiosity.
What other tips do you have to overcome languishing? Please, let us know in the comments.
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to empower underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions using mental fitness to achieve peak performance, peace of mind, and healthier relationships.