The Impact of Labels: How Positive and Negative Labels Affect Personal Growth
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The other day I was thinking about my birth certificate and the information we find in it – our name, place and date of birth, our parents’ names. Interestingly, it does not include descriptors like smart, tall, pretty, heavy, or clumsy.
We are aware that certain labels bear negative connotations, and when applied to ourselves and others they can negatively impact our collective wellbeing.
An interesting thing I learned this week is how labels considered positive could hinder our creativity and growth.
For example, if you have been labeled as the smartest person in the classroom, how likely are you to step out of your comfort zone and risk potentially losing that title? That may deter you from learning a new language, how to dance, or how to use a 3D printer.
As we age and become more “set in our ways” we cling to these labels (unfortunately, we tend to hold onto all of them) and integrate them into our soul and person. It is not our fault. We use labels all the time to interact with people, secure jobs, or promotions.
Using labels is not inherently wrong; as with everything in life, balance is key. The problem arises when we cannot let go of a label at all.
Recently, a close friend mentioned that his brain worked in a way that it only allowed him to be curious about a handful of topics. At that moment I took a deep breath to prevent myself from rolling my eyes and blurt aloud “BS!” He labeled his brain in a way that killed his curiosity. As a result, his relationships are impacted (it is difficult to interact with someone who does not show any interest in what you have to say), he does not allow space for discovery, and limits his adaptability and flexibility.
How do we let go of the habit of labeling ourselves?
In the book The Power of Letting Go, author John Purkiss proposes the following exercise.
First, make a list of the labels you have applied to yourself. I am sure there are plenty of them, both positive and negative.
Some of mine are smart, boring, curious, strong (not always a positive for a woman), weak (especially when in front of an ice cream), strict, disciplined.
Once you finish with the list, examine it and for each label, ask yourself these five questions:
1) Can I be one hundred percent certain that this is true? I am willing to bet my salary that the answer is no, not one hundred percent. Have I said no to ice cream? Yes! Have I struggled with certain subjects? Yes! (I still have the scars from Electrical Engineering during my junior year at college).
2) Is there some pay-off from labeling myself in this way? If so, what is it? Of course, there is pay-off! Not always the best one, though. By labeling myself as weak, I can use it as an excuse to eat that ice cream, and then the next… hey, it’s not my fault if I am weak. Or with strong. If I label myself strong, I can “scare off” many people so I do not have to deal with them.
3) What is the cost of labeling myself? Ahh, the million-dollar question! When I use the “weak” label to eat that ice cream I am paying a health price. When I use the “strong” label to “scare off” people I am paying the price of isolation.
4) When have I lost out by doing so? Where do I start?! If I am not careful, my answer to this question is “all the time.” That is exactly part of the human experience and growth journey – to minimize our losses.
5) Imagine that you have let go of this label. How do you feel? Like a million pounds lighter. It is difficult to keep our persona every minute of every day. How liberating would it be if I am only strong eighty percent of the time? Or that I can choose when and with whom to be strong? A game changer!
This exercise can be applied when we label other people as well. That person we admire, and we think is so beautiful, so smart, so well put together. Or that person we label as unstable, arrogant, angry, dumb. I will bet my salary that neither of them embodies these adjectives all the time. Both are going through their own journey and human experience just as we are.
One more thing before you go
To function in society, we label ourselves and others. We admire people who are smart, charismatic, or funny and move away from those who are toxic, weird, or unkind.
The challenge is when we never revisit those labels on ourselves and others. Each of us is going through our own human experience and our labels will come and go as we dance with life and take two steps forward, one step back, three steps forward, ten steps back…
Increasing our awareness of these labels we have for ourselves and others will allow us to see them for what they are – temporary and circumstantial. I may be weak for ice cream and strong for work ethics.
What are we gaining by using these labels for ourselves and others? What price are we paying?
I feel lighter already… maybe because I actually said no to that ice cream.
What are you gaining and losing for using labels for yourself and others? Please, let us know in the comments.
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to empower underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions using mental fitness to achieve peak performance, peace of mind, and healthier relationships.