To Discover Your Purpose, Answer These Two Questions
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As you know I have been defining and writing down my goals since I was ten. The first few years, they were highly influenced by what my parents thought they should be. As I became an adult and independent, inertia took over and I found myself having similar goals year over year.
A few years ago, I started to address two important questions when defining my objectives:
1) Are these my true goals, the things I really want in life or are they still heavily influenced by what others expect of me?
2) How or what would I feel once I accomplish this goal?
Answering these two questions is important because we are the ones leading our lives (not other people). Also, we want to have something strong to hold onto when things get tough, and we are dealing with obstacle after obstacle as we move toward our goal.
Are these my true goals or am I trying to meet someone else’s expectations of me?
Many of you may be familiar with the methodology called the 5 Whys to find the root cause of a specific problem. This is also a preferred method of 4-and 5-year-old kids to understand the world around them.
I decided to experiment by asking myself why several times until I could discover if my motivations were internally or externally driven and/or if I was trying to meet someone else’s expectations of me.
Let us look at two examples for the same goal, to be promoted at work, adapting the 5 Whys tool.
Example 1 – Toni
Goal: To obtain a promotion at work to the next level up in my department.
Why do I want the promotion? It will look good on my resume as it shows progression.
Why do I want my resume to show progression? I want to be recognized as someone who can grow.
Why do I want to be recognized for my growth? I want to be respected in my field.
Why do I want to be respected in my field? I want to show those who told me I could not do it, that I made it.
Example 2 – Patrick
Goal: To obtain a promotion at work to the next level up in my department.
Why do I want the promotion? I want to manage other people.
Why do I want to manage other people? I want to teach others what I learned.
Why do I want to teach others? I want to pay it forward.
Why do I want to pay it forward? I want to help other people recognize and fulfill their potential.
These two versions are perfectly valid for Toni and Patrick’s individual raisons d’être. Being motivated by external rewards is neither good nor bad, it just is. Having internal motivations is neither good nor bad, it just is.
Note that for Toni the options to accomplish the real goal – i.e., to show those who told me I could not do it that I made it – are limited. Toni needs the promotion (or something closely equivalent) to meet her real objective.
For Patrick, the goal is to help other people recognize and fulfill their potential. This could be accomplished by being promoted to a position where he would have more influence, or by another route including activities outside of his main job such as community work, mentoring, etc.
“Be brave enough to live the life of your dreams according to your vision and purpose instead of the expectations and opinions of others.” Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
Take your time to find your hidden true purpose behind your goals. You will have different versions of this exercise. You could use the thinking hour to go over your five whys.
Consider input from other sources such as your Higher Power (God, the Universe, Gaia, etc.), content in books, podcasts, or videos, and people who have your best interest at heart who could be your sounding board, pose insightful questions, and/or be and advisor on specific topics.
As you seek your why, be aware of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that come up for you. When you write down the goal, do you feel excited or indifferent?
If you were to take it off the list of goals, what would be your reaction? Jot them down in your journal; this will help you get clarity on what is going on and how it relates to your deepest desires.
Another way to think about this is by asking yourself if you need a reward for accomplishing the goal or if accomplishing the goal is the reward.
How or what would I feel once I accomplish this goal?
This question helps us discover what we are truly seeking. When used with the response to the prior question we start to have a better picture of our purpose and mission in life.
Many of you may have financial goals such as creating an emergency fund, paying off debt, or contributing more to your retirement plan. When you imagine yourself achieving that goal, what are you feeling at that moment?
I have asked this question to multiple friends and clients. Their answers include freedom, peace of mind, as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and power. What they really want is freedom, peace of mind, not to carry the world on their shoulders, and power. The financial goal is one way to obtain that. The same applies for any other objective.
Imagine taking actions to achieve your goals especially those bold, risky, and exciting ones. Use all your senses. What do you see? Who is there with you? What sounds do you hear? What are people saying? What are you smelling, tasting, and touching? What are you wearing? The more vivid the representation, the more you will reinforce to your Reticular Activating System (RAS) that this is important to you.
Identifying what and how you want to feel as you work toward your goal will increase your desire to continue on the road especially when obstacles start to inevitably come up.
Link the main feeling or emotion to each goal. If you have a vision board, add the word or a picture representing how you will feel once you obtain the objective.
“Don’t look for motivation. Find your why, then no excuses will come between you and your goals.” Unknown
What are your true goals, the ones you want for yourself? What or how would you feel once you accomplish them? Please, let us know in the comments.
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to help underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions by creating awareness, increasing emotional intelligence, and unveiling the tools and choices available to them.