You Cannot Make Mistakes
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Many of us are or have been part of the Great Resignation that is currently happening. Last weekend I met two women who realized that their careers were no longer aligned with their life purpose, so they decided to either quit or change the scope of their current jobs.
The common theme I heard during our discussion was ‘what is the right decision?’, ‘how do I choose the right path for me?’, or something along those lines. They only knew that their current path was not the one for them, but they did not have a new one defined.
Notice the use of the word ‘right’ or ‘correct’. Many times, we are paralyzed by indecision because we do not want to choose the ‘wrong’ option.
This fear is completely normal. At an early age we are rewarded for having the correct answer at school, college (or equivalent), during job interviews, and at work. There is little room for experimentation, trial and error, and for learning in the process. Even in subjects where there tends to be a correct answer, like Math, there are many paths we can take to arrive at that answer.
Mistake is defined as an action, decision, or judgment that produces an unwanted or unintentional result. The key word being ‘produces’. That means that we need to allow time to pass for a result to emerge so we can assess if it was what we wanted or expected.
In other words, at the precise moment of choosing an option, there is no room for a mistake to happen. We will not know we are ‘making a mistake’ at the time of choosing, only later.
When we make a decision, even an educated one based on historical data, experience, feedback from experts, etc., we do not know for sure how things are going to turn out. We work with probability, not with certainty.
“If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.” Unknown
My client Amanda wanted to pursue a job in another department at her company. It was a stretch role for her since she had some of the skills and the experience, but it was not the traditional next step in her career path. She was suffering because she was afraid this would be the ‘wrong’ decision for her.
We explored together how deciding to pursue felt for her in her body, mind, and heart. She felt excited thinking about what she could do in that other team and all the things she could learn. And then we talked about pros and cons of each decision (staying in her current role or taking the new one). Finally, we discussed how she could obtain the pros of the not-chosen option in the chosen one.
In addition, Amanda had the awareness that nothing is forever. Taking that new role did not mean staying at it for the rest of her career. That realization removed a huge weight off her shoulders.
Most of the decisions we make are not permanent as change is the only constant in life.
“We come to learn that it does not pay to grieve too much over our errors. Ordinarily, we try to do the best we can.” Unknown
Here are three approaches to shift our focus from dwelling about the past to learning from our choices. I found them liberating.
1) Instead of lamenting and focusing on the ‘mistake’ made, we can ask ourselves: what would I do differently with what I know today? What has this experience taught me? How am I going to apply this learning in the future?
2) Instead of focusing on getting it ‘right’, choose to experiment – research on the topic, imagine possible outcomes from each choice, and consider input from others. Ask yourself ‘how safe is it to try?’ ‘How could I test this idea or path before going full in?’
3) Very few decisions are final. We can frequently ‘undo’ it, modify it, or adapt it to the post decision circumstance. As I reflect on my life, I most frequently regret lack of action or choices made based on fear. As much as I can, I want to avoid the future ‘what if?’ conversation with myself.
“Sometimes we may learn more from a person’s errors than from their virtues.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
It is normal to be paralyzed by indecision. We have been conditioned to provide a right answer across many aspects of our life.
In 2022, let us embrace experimentation, a constant cycle of implementing, evaluating results, adjusting, and implementing again.
Let us be mindful of when and how often we use the word mistake with ourselves, our kids, and our teams.
Remember, you cannot make any mistakes. You make each choice with the information you have at the time… only in the future can you know if the decision met your expectations or not.
How will you shift your mindset to offset the fear of choosing the wrong path? Please, let us know in the comments.
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to help underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions by creating awareness, increasing emotional intelligence, and unveiling the tools and choices available to them.