How to Ask for Help: Building Trust and Growth through Seeking Advice
If you prefer audiovisual content, you can watch the video and subscribe to my channel.
Many of us, me included, do not like asking for help. Impostor syndrome rears its ugly head, and we feel our request is too simplistic, something we should know how to solve. We fear others will think we are incompetent.
Contrary to our own limiting beliefs, effectively asking for help has actually the opposite effect: it shines a more positive light on us.
In her book Dare to Lead, Brene Brown writes “when it comes to people who do not habitually ask for help, the leaders we polled explained that they would not delegate important work to them because the leaders did not trust that they would raise their hands and ask for help. When we refuse to ask for help, we will find that we keep getting the same projects that leaders know we can do.“
Let us pause and reflect. Are you stepping outside of your comfort zone at work, which would “force” you to ask for help? Or are you tackling the same old challenges you are great at overcoming?
A word of caution: when asking for help be mindful of people’s time and priorities. Do as much as you can to seek and consume information on your own instead of taking the path of least resistance and having someone explain it to you. Also, trust the process: many answers will reveal themselves in time.
Of course, we are examining how to effectively ask for help based on your current level of expertise and experience. If you are a seasoned professional, it is expected that you will have the ability to research and figure certain things out on your own. If you are starting your career or completely pivoting to a new area of expertise, you may have more room to ask simple questions.
Here are four tips on how to effectively ask for help.
1) Ask for Advice
Use any area you have identified as a growth opportunity. You might be a first-time manager wanting to learn from seasoned supervisors about their experiences: what works for them, what they would do differently, what routines they have in place, etc.
This approach not only provides information but also helps build or enhance relationships at work.
I strongly suggest going back to the person who provided the advice and letting them know what you have tried and how it is working so far. This would be a perfect excuse to reach out a second or third time.
“Ask for advice from someone who knows how to conquer him/herself.” Leonardo da Vinci, Italian Renaissance polymath
2) Show What You Have Done So Far
Demonstrate that you have made an effort. You may have done your research, tried new techniques, and still not achieved the desired results.
For example, Maya, one of my clients, put together a proposal on consolidating Compliance functions to avoid silos and duplication. She created a solid first draft and shared it with her manager and peers. Her challenge was influencing the leaders of the involved areas to obtain their buy-in. Maya sought assistance from her manager, who could see her progress, thought process, and desire for excellence, efficiency, and growth.
“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.” Albert Einstein, theoretical physicist; developer of the theory of relativity
3) Receive Help Graciously
Unless you are in a working session to collectively determine a solution, do not judge the other person’s input. Ask clarifying questions to confirm your understanding.
Avoid saying “great idea!” or “I’m not sure if this will work.” With the first comment, you do not know if the suggestion is a good idea for you since you have not yet tried it. With the second one, you are diminishing the other person’s suggestion without first testing it.
Instead, simply say, “thank you.” This shows appreciation without prematurely evaluating the suggestion.
“Accepting help is its own kind of strength.” Unknown
4) Offer Help
For every action there is a reaction. The more help you offer without judgment, the more you prepare for when it is your turn to ask. It is an investment you want to make often.
Even if you are at the beginning of your career and feel you lack expertise, you might be surprised at the wealth of knowledge you have or can obtain. You may know someone who knows someone who can help.
“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.” Charles Dickens, English novelist and social critic
One More Thing Before You Go
Asking for help elevates us in the eyes of others. Leaders will trust your ability to execute based not only on your expertise but also on your willingness to ask for help when needed.
We can ask for help in ways that are valuable for all parties involved. Asking for help allows others to support us without feeling they are micromanaging or meddling.
When we ask for help, we show our humanity and authenticity. It is a way of saying “I am not perfect, I also struggle, I don’t know it all, and I want to learn and grow.”
What approach do you use to ask for help? Please, let us know in the comments.
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to empower underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions using mental fitness to achieve peak performance, peace of mind, and healthier relationships.