Four Inner Blocks That Hold You Back
In my last post I talked about identifying our limiting beliefs and transforming them into abundant ones. This is a key step in priming our mind into imagining what we today consider “the impossible”.
In this article, I will dig deeper into the obstacles that lay between our starting point and the finish line (aka our goals).
There are two types of blocks: external and internal. The external ones are usually time and money, and, in my opinion, less difficult to resolve than internal ones.
The internal blocks are the limitations we impose on ourselves. They block our energy and, if we let them, keep us in the lower energy levels.
Most of the time, the external reflects the internal. Therefore, more than 90% of the time, internal factors are what hold us back from our objectives.
Stress is something we feel about what is happening, which is the result of our perspective. Similarly, our capacity to deal with any situation is based on our mindset. When we spend most of the time in catabolic energy levels, performance is not sustainable, we are stressed out, unhappy, our relationships suffer… It is very draining. We risk burning out.
There are four types of inner blocks: limiting beliefs, interpretations, assumptions, and gremlins or saboteurs.
Limiting Beliefs
Limiting beliefs are notions we have about the world, other people, situations, and life in general that hold us back from pursuing our goals. They may not necessarily be about us personally. These are statements we received at some point in our lives and decided to adopt and believe in them.
One that held me back for longer than I care to admit is “showing emotion is a sign of weakness.” Other examples are “old habits are hard to break”, “you must have money to make money”, etc.
For example, if we believe “old habits are hard to break” is true, we may not even consider the goal of creating healthy eating habits. That is the danger of limiting beliefs.
To crack limiting beliefs, we start by questioning how accurate our statement is, where it is coming from, and the effect it is having on us.
We then convert limiting beliefs into powerful, abundant statements. If we take ‘old habits are hard to break’ we may want to upgrade the phrase to ‘I can create a new habit to replace the old one.’
Or convert ‘showing emotion is a sign of weakness’ to ‘when I exercise emotional expression, I authentically connect with other people, show empathy, compassion, and vulnerability.’
“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” Isaac Asimov, American writer
Interpretations
Interpretation is the meaning we create about an event, situation, or experience. We devise a quick story based on our convictions and past experiences and believe that our story is true and the only explanation. Our interpretation is only one viewpoint among the many that are possible.
When we get stuck in this block, we may continue to look to confirm our interpretation. The more we look to corroborate our version, the less open to other possibilities we are.
We start to feel that we have no control over the situation, and we decrease our energy to catabolic levels. As a result, we may put our goals on hold. And if the goal is “scary” for us, we may use our interpretation as the perfect excuse to not pursue it.
For example, your boss comes into the meeting and barely says hello to anyone. Based on that brief interaction (or lack thereof) you conclude that there will be unwelcome news for the team at that meeting, or later that day.
As part of your goals, you want to talk to your boss about a raise. Now, as you continue to observe her during the meeting, you “confirm” that something bad is going to happen to the team: your manager has not smiled, she talks in short bullet points, she barely looked at anyone in the eye.
You tell yourself that now is not a suitable time to ask for a raise. The thought of that conversation makes you uncomfortable. So now you can shelf talking about a raise with the excuse that this is not the right time.
To overcome this inner block, I like to play a game called ‘what else might be going on?’
In the previous example, I imagine a number of different scenarios as to why my boss was not her usual self: she had a fight with her significant other; her kid was particularly stubborn that morning; she realized she was out of milk and her whole morning got disrupted… The possibilities are endless.
“The interpretation of our reality using someone else’s framework makes us more foreign, less free, and more isolated.” Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Colombian writer
Assumptions
Assumption is a belief that because something happened in the past, it will automatically occur again in the future. If unaddressed, this inner block holds us back since we may not try something once more because ‘we know it won’t work.’
This is a dangerous and sneaky inner block. It looks factual. After all, we have evidence that something did not yield the results we wanted.
Assumptions also open the door for our judge and other saboteurs to raise their voices.
For example, you are interested in a job at a higher level or with a larger scope. You remember that two years ago you applied for a similar position and did not get it. If you consider only the result (i.e., not obtaining the new job) you may be discouraged from trying again. The “lawyer” inside you has evidence to “prove” that if you go for it once more you will not get the new job.
Having a growth mindset is key to overcoming this inner block. In the example above, you also need to consider that the person you are today is different from the one who applied for the job the first time. Therefore, there is no “prove” that you will get the same results. At a minimum, you have new and/or deeper knowledge, enhanced and new skills, lessons learned from the prior experience, etc.
“We are put on this planet only once, and to limit ourselves to the familiar is a crime against our minds.” Unknown
Gremlin
The gremlin is the most dangerous and sneaky inner block we have. It is the equivalent of the judge and other saboteurs. That voice inside our heads that tells us we are not good enough. It is very cruel even if it does not raise its voice.
The gremlin is the voice I hear saying ‘Who do you think you are?! You don’t have enough experience to coach this person!’ It is the same voice that when ghosted says ‘I told you! You are not interesting enough. Did you really think they were interested in YOU?’ Even as I write these examples, I can feel the pain. I had to take a minute to compose myself.
The good news is that there is a way to significantly reduce the gremlin’s voice and its presence. The first step is to give it a name. Some people call it the executioner, Darth Vader, The Joker, Doctor Octopus, or Voldemort. I call mine Bob.
This helps separate the gremlin from us. We give it an identity distinct from ours.
A word of caution: do not name your gremlin after someone you know. So do not call it ‘mom’ or ‘Uncle Jim’, ‘or that b…h Pauline at work.’
Observe the messages you hear from your gremlin. What is it saying? In which situations does it show up stronger?
The moment you start feeling its presence, address it by name. ‘Hey, Bob, what’s up?’ This is an unexpected move as it exposes the gremlin out in the open. Use that moment of surprise to center yourself – a few deep breaths, focus on feeling the object in your hands, etc. You can even use humor – ‘Bob, honestly, what took you so long?! (chuckle)’
Another method to diffuse the power of the gremlin is to have a dialogue with it with the objective of redefining its role to supporter or cheerleader. At a minimum, we want the gremlin out of the way.
Example of a dialog with my gremlin
Me: Hey Bob, what’s up? I wanted to talk to you about some of the things you have been saying lately about the job I am applying for – that it is too big and too difficult for me, and that I don’t have enough experience.
Bob: Hey Gertrudis. I’m doing alright. That job you’re thinking of is too much for you right now. I’m trying to protect you.
Me: Thank you for taking care of me. I know you are trying to protect me from falling on my face and making a fool of myself in front of strangers.
Bob: That’s right; I only want what’s best for you.
Me: Fortunately, you’re not needed to keep me safe for this specific goal. I can handle it. I have been working on improving my skills, gaining more experience, and I want to go for this job and learn more.
Bob: Really? That’s what you want?
Me: Yes, that’s really what I want. Please cheer me on as I go through the interview process. Remind me of the experience I do have, how I can use it in the new role, and how much I am going to learn from it.
Bob: If that’s what you really want, you got it! I’m here to help you and support you.
“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” African proverb
One more thing before you go
All inner blocks are originated by our saboteurs. The original purpose, and the reason we have them, is to keep us safe from danger and increase our odds for survival and passing on our genes.
We are no longer living the way our ancestors did while roaming the wilderness. Unfortunately, our brains are still wired for primal survival, which means we must increase our awareness to manage our own mind.
The four inner blocks – limiting beliefs, interpretations, assumptions, and gremlins – can significantly hinder our ability to set and achieve our goals and dreams.
The good news is that by applying the tools at our disposal we can significantly decrease their impact and even eliminate or repurpose them.
Once we overcome any of our inner blocks, they can no longer hold us, or others, back. We can show to ourselves and to those around us what is possible demonstrating that our limiting beliefs, interpretations, assumptions, and gremlin are inaccurate.
“Each moment describes who you are and gives you the opportunity to decide if that’s who you want to be.” iPEC Energetic Principle
When does your gremlin typically show up? Please, let us know in the comments.
Source: iPEC Energy Leadership
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to empower underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions using mental fitness to achieve peak performance, peace of mind, and healthier relationships.