How To Become Aware Of Your Filters
Don’t have time to read the entire post now? Watch this video with the summary.
A couple of weekends ago, I was out with a group of friends. The conversation turned to how we all started our working lives. One of my friends talked about a summer job he had busing tables at a local restaurant. At the end of the summer, his manager asked him if he could come back next summer. My friend said yes but that he wanted to come back as a waiter. The manager told him that he had to earn his right to be a waiter. My friend finishes the story by saying ‘that manager did not want me to be a waiter because I am Black; all the servers at that restaurant were white women.’
At that moment three thoughts came almost simultaneously: a) he is right, that was discrimination; b) how does my friend know for sure that he was rejected because of the color of his skin? c) the manager did not actually say ‘no’ to my friend.
The awareness I want to create is that we interpret every event that happens to us based on our life experience, beliefs, and personal history, which are the filters that make our perspective. We are constantly gaging if we are part of the tribe or if we are being removed from it. This is important to our brain and its purpose of keeping us alive. If we are separated from the tribe, that means certain death.
“We are each a product of our own belief system.” – iPEC Principle
I believe that we do not use most of our capabilities. We are constantly limiting ourselves so we can remain in a particular tribe. Our brain is programmed in a way that if we become exceptional that means we could not be part of the tribe anymore so we would roam the jungle, tundra, or forest alone and die.
This is true from the other perspective as well. Allowing strangers (i.e., people who do not look, think, or act like us) into our tribe could mean death so we tell ourselves stories about strangers creating an artificial hierarchy and the broken systems we live in today.
“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears.” Marcus Aurelius
Imagine what it would be like if we could remove all interpretation to the events that happen in our lives. If we come back to my friend’s story, he could have had multiple options at the time the manager said, ‘you have to earn the right to be a waiter’. He could have said ‘train me as a waiter next summer and then decide.’ Or he could have determined that that restaurant was not the place for him and move on to another.
But what if that manager had had higher awareness of her bias or how her words were perceived? She could have told my friend ‘I didn’t know you wanted to be a waiter; we will see how you do the first three weeks of next summer before making a final decision.’
“There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.” Aldous Huxley
We think that by putting an interpretation behind every event it will somehow magically change for something we want. We are simply resisting what is and reinforcing a belief system that may not be even serving us anymore.
The good news is that the moment we become aware that we are putting an interpretation based on our filter, that interpretation loses its power and little by little we move towards acceptance.
We struggle with the concept of acceptance because we tend to equate it with powerlessness or inaction. Acceptance is neither. It frees our mind from identifying with the judgment or interpretation we give people and situations.
Acceptance reconnects us with our source of energy (aka God, the Universe, Inner Genius, etc.), we see clearly what needs to be done allowing us to initiate change, revise objectives, and take focused action from an anabolic perspective free of stress, judgment, anger, or fear.
When we understand the filters that make our perspective, we can remove them and see the situation for what it is, without qualifying it as good, bad, positive, negative. By doing so, we have the space to think and implement different solutions to the challenge at hand.
“Chaos is merely order waiting to be deciphered.” José Saramago, The Double
A former boss managed to constantly push my buttons. My filters joined forces with my inner critic and made up all sorts of interpretations to practically every interaction I had with him.
Working with him taught me many unvaluable lessons once I had distance. I was not aware of my filters and of how I was interpreting each interaction with him. I was far from acceptance; my shields were up and fully charged. For this reason, I did not have the mental or emotional space for a more productive approach. I was in constant fight or flight (i.e., avoidance) mode.
What would I have done differently? First, I would have used the tools I know now to manage my own emotions in a more productive way (instead of shoving them further down the emotional trunk). Second, I would have sought to understand (vs. being understood). This would have made him less of a stranger to me and my brain would not have been in constant ‘threat alert’.
I would not have expected him to change, that is outside of my control. I would have been in anabolic energy levels which would have allowed me to revise my goals and take action free of judgment, fear, or anger. I think I could have learned even more if I were not constantly trying to defend myself. Live and learn!
“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” C.G. Jung
How aware are you of your filters that form your perspective? Please, let us know in the comments.
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to help underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions by creating awareness, increasing emotional intelligence, and unveiling the tools and choices available to them.