How To Increase Stress Tolerance
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By now we know that our brain is programmed to see threats first, that is how it keeps us alive. That means that anything unfamiliar can be a source of stress. I got assigned a new project, stress. I am lost in a city I am visiting for the first time, stress. I now must work from home and do homeschooling with my kids, stress.
When we think objectively about most situations in our lives, they are truly not as overwhelming as we make them to be especially considering the tools we now have. We all can increase our stress tolerance to take control and tackle each challenge individually.
In the book The EQ Edge, Doctors Steven J. Stein and Howard E. Book define stress tolerance as the ability to withstand adverse events and stressful situations without developing physical or emotional symptoms, by actively and positively coping with stress.
There are three factors that determine our level of stress tolerance:
a) the capacity to choose different approaches for dealing with stress
b) an optimistic disposition toward new experiences and change
c) a feeling that we can control or influence the stressful situation by staying calm
“It isn’t the mountain ahead that wears you out; it’s the grain of sand in your shoe.” Unknown
If you can answer ‘always’ or ‘almost always’ to these statements, then you have high stress tolerance:
- I keep calm in difficult situations.
- I thrive in challenging situations.
- I handle stress without getting too nervous.
- I perform well under pressure.
- I cope well with stressful situations.
- I handle upsetting problems well.
If you can answer ‘never’ or ‘almost never’ to these statements, then you have high stress tolerance:
- I can’t think clearly when I’m under stress.
- I do not react well to stressful situations.
When we let our minds go into stress mode, we significantly hinder our ability to produce creative solutions, put together a plan of action, and to see the opportunity in the challenge at hand. It feels as if we are walking in the dark.
When we use the tools at our disposal to redirect our mind out of stress mode, we have the mental space and energy for creativity, focused action, and increased self-awareness and learning. It is like turning the flashlight we had in our hand all along.
One of the things I have learned in the last couple of years is to recognize when I am starting to feel stressed (when environmental demands feel like beyond our ability to successfully cope) or overwhelmed (extreme level of stress, an emotional and/or cognitive intensity rendering us unable to function). And most importantly, to take the time I need to handle my emotions first and then the situation at hand without judging myself as weak for needing the pause to regroup.
What I have discovered is that with every challenge, I learn something about myself, I find new ways to overcome it, and I can leverage past experiences and new knowledge to take focused and appropriate action.
One of the biggest sources of stress for me is the correlation of activities and time. When I perceive my calendar as ‘being full’, my mind starts to panic, and I hear it say things like ‘there is too much! How are we going to do it all? We don’t have time!!’ At that moment, I take a deep breath and remind myself that I have enough time to do the things that are important to me. I say thank you to the Universe for putting so many interesting activities on my path.
“The truth is that stress doesn’t come from your boss, your kids, your spouse, traffic jams, health challenges, or other circumstances. It comes from your thoughts about your circumstances.” Unknown
My client Celia has, in her words, a horrible boss. She finds Daniel condescending, unkind, and too focused on unimportant details. In our last session I let her vent for a few minutes – we all need that every once in a while – and then we talked about her values and inner critic.
When someone pushes our buttons it is because that person is going against our values and/or is awakening our inner critic. Celia’s lightbulb turned on. She could see exactly which values were being ‘threatened’ and the message her inner critic was telling her every time she had a conversation with her boss.
We then explored what thoughts came to mind when she talked to him. How that made her feel in her body – increased heartbeat and body temperature – and what action (or inaction) came as a result – avoidance, wanting to escape by all means necessary.
I then invited Celia to imagine thinking about something more empowering to her during her next interaction with Daniel. Once she conjures that thought she would feel her body relaxed, normal heartbeat, no increase in body temperature. In this new scenario, the resulting potential actions could range from being curious (Daniel, when you say X, what do you mean?) to defining and implementing a solid plan to get another job.
“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” William James, American philosopher
The key is to command our mind to have a different, empowering thought about the situation or challenge at hand. It is simple and not easy. It requires practice and it is possible to do.
I invite you to experiment. Next time you find yourself dealing with a stressful situation or person, you may want to start by observing your thoughts and reactions as well as how they feel in your body. Self-awareness is a crucial first step. Once you notice, you cannot not notice anymore. And once stress is seen, it loses power and its grip on you.
When you start to perceive the first signs of stress, take the time you need to shift your perspective of the situation from ‘bad’, ‘negative’ to at least neutral.
Finally, pay attention to what you learn about yourself and others and what you would try to do differently next time.
We could continue to walk in the dark or we could choose to turn on the flashlight by increasing our stress tolerance. We can do so with practice allowing us to choose which course of action we will take instead of surrendering to panic.
This approach has multiple benefits to our physical, mental, and emotional health. Not to mention how we would set an example for others at work, in our families, and communities. We can all use a more balanced approach to manage our daily load of challenges.
What do you do to increase your stress tolerance? Please, let us know in the comments.
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to help underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions by creating awareness, increasing emotional intelligence, and unveiling the tools and choices available to them.