Meet Your Judge Saboteur & Learn How To Diminish It
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We are all judgmental. Even the most liberal, open-minded, and accepting among us. We pass judgment about ourselves, other people, and situations all day long. Even when we are sleeping, we judge something or someone in our dreams.
A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the sage and its five powers. This week I want to bring awareness to a series of characters that live inside our mind led by a formidable one. These characters are various saboteurs, and their leader is the judge saboteur.
Saboteurs are defined as those who practice sabotage – i.e., destruction, obstruction, or deliberate subversion. And that is what happens inside our minds. We let these characters convince us that we are not enough, that we will be happy once we… [add your goal of choice], that event X is good and event Y is bad. All these thoughts end up destroying and obstructing our beautiful true essence, our dreams, relationships, careers, etc.
Who is the judge and why is it the leader?
Many of us are familiar with the inner critic. This is only one aspect of the judge saboteur.
The judge is that inner voice that tells us ‘Girl, there is no way you will get that job; you are not smart, and you know it!’ (self-judgment, used by the inner critic), that ‘John is a jerk, don’t trust him’ (judging others), and that says, ‘the pandemic is the most horrible thing that has happened ever!’ (judging situations).
Everyone has the judge saboteur regardless of origin, socio-economic status, gender, ethnicity, language, age, religious beliefs, etc. The judge is formed as a survival mechanism, our brain’s main purpose.
Unlike other animals, humans take a long time to be able to survive on their own, and our brain is not fully formed until adulthood. For these reasons, the judge saboteur takes a leading role in classifying information into good or bad in a simple and straightforward manner.
The challenge is that as we become adults, we do not shed the judge off as no longer useful. So, we continue to judge ourselves, other people, and situations as good or bad, right or wrong, ugly or beautiful, and so on.
How do I get rid of the judge?
There are different techniques we can use to remove the judge’s leading role in our lives. The purpose is to diminish its voice and shift the message.
First, name your judge. Some people call it the executioner, Darth Vader, The Joker, Doctor Octopus, or Voldemort. I call mine Bob.
This helps separate the judge from us. We give it an identity distinct from ours.
A word of caution: do not name your judge after someone you know. So do not call it ‘mom’ or ‘Uncle Jim’, ‘or that b…h Pauline at work’.
Now that the judge has a name, call it out every time you catch it criticizing yourself, others, or a situation. I say things like ‘here is Bob doing it again!’ I even laugh a little as to remove importance to its message.
Calling out the judge is like kryptonite – it immediately loses its power. If we add some humor to our comment, we make it even weaker. The beauty of it is that once we see it, we cannot not see it. Our awareness increases tenfold.
We can also change the job description of our judge by asking it to become our cheerleader instead. Whenever I catch Bob criticizing me, others, or the situation, I tell him ‘Bob, you already vented, so quickly, tell me three things you like about me!’
The key, like many other things when it comes to changing behavior, is consistent practice. We have lived with our judge for twenty, thirty, forty, fifty or more years. So, it will not magically change overnight after you call it out only once or twice.
I have these conversations with Bob all day, every day. I notice that I can switch to the positive a little faster now. The journey continues.
You said there are multiple saboteurs. Who are they?
In his book Positive Intelligence, Shirzad Chamine presents nine other saboteurs for a total of ten including the judge.
Take a deep breath, keep calm, and keep reading. We only have a handful of these other saboteurs as accomplices to the judge.
The other nine are hyper-achiever, controller, stickler, victim, hyper-rational, restless, avoider, hyper-vigilant, and pleaser.
You can take a free assessment and discover your saboteurs. Mine are hyper-achiever, controller, and stickler. Along with the judge I call them collectively the junta especially when I see them acting together.
One more thing before you go
We all have the judge saboteur judging ourselves, other people, and situations. Its original purpose was to keep us alive for us to become adults and fulfill nature’s main purpose of reproduction and keeping the offspring alive to continue the cycle.
Now that we made it to adulthood, we do not need the judge or the other saboteurs anymore. Their mission was accomplished, and they can now retire.
The thing is that we have kept them on the payroll all this time. Until now, we did not know how to break the news to them that their services are no longer required.
We will give them a name that will not coincide with that of anyone close to us (regardless of their impact in our lives). As soon as we notice they are judging us, others, or a situation, we will call it out. Here comes Darth again with its breathy voice to tell me that I am stupid. Voldemort, take a chill pill and let’s focus on how cool Vivian is. Dr. O losing my job is not something I would have chosen but I am sure there is at least one lesson in this experience; let’s think about the gift together.
The name of the game is consistency. Practice, practice, practice. In time you will see that you start shifting from the saboteur to the sage perspective faster. It will become more natural, and you will do it constantly without even noticing.
What is your judge’s name? Please let us know in the comments.
Source: Positive Intelligence
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to empower underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions using mental fitness to achieve peak performance, peace of mind, and healthier relationships.