To Have Deeper Connections, Share Your Character Diamond
Don’t have time to read the entire post now? Watch this video with the summary.
Earlier this year, I learned a new concept called the Character Diamond. This is mostly used to create characters (in writing) or personas (for marketing and branding).
For a diamond to show its beauty and clarity, it must be cut, polished, processed. A diamond found in its purest form looks completely unassuming. It is the chiseling that makes that diamond the sparkling and multi-faceted gemstone that so many people love and admire.
For people (and characters in a story) to have depth, they need to have a combination of strengths, weaknesses, and positive and negative inner conflicts. Diamonds are both strong and beautiful. And so are we.
If I had learned about the Character Diamond a few years ago, I would have been laughing sarcastically and passing judgment on the people who would be brave enough to share their ‘cuts’.
I now think that showing our cuts is courageous, brave, authentic, vulnerable, and absolutely beautiful. It shows our full humanity.
Contrary to popular belief, exposing our full diamond creates deeper connections with the people around us at work, home, and community. There is nothing more powerful than seeing ourselves, our struggle, and triumphs in someone else’s story. We realize we are not the only ones with challenges to overcome.
So here are my stories displaying each of the four ‘cuts’ of my diamond. What are your stories?
Strengths – Miss Grit
A year after I moved to the US, I decided to go for a Master’s degree. I had to pass two exams: the TOEFL (to demonstrate English language proficiency) and the GRE (I guess to demonstrate that my neurons actually connected and worked).
There are classes to help you prepare for these tests and they can be quite expensive (many are over $1,000). At the time I did not have that kind of money, so I bought a couple of books and went on to study myself.
I would go to the bookstore or the library every Saturday and Sunday for 2 or 3 months and spent the entire day there studying for both tests.
Now, let me paint the picture: I was living in Miami at the time (where the weather and people are always nice, and parties have an after party), in my mid-twenties (a time when I was going out a lot), and I was working full time.
Being able to study such long hours meant that I did not go out Friday or Saturday night to wake up early on Saturday and Sunday and tackle the material.
My strengths of tenacity, confidence, discipline, and the ability to process complex information were key during this process.
I passed the TOEFL with an almost perfect score and the GRE with more than the minimum required for the program.
Weaknesses – Dr. Arroganto
Like many of you, I have struggled with my weight ever since I turned thirty. I would go into these ‘fast track’ diets that promised I would be able to eat anything I wanted and lose weight.
I would go in and out of the gym, many times losing money in the process by paying for it and not attending.
I was lazy (still am). I wanted to do the minimum effort and gain the maximum results… I literally wanted to have my cake and eat it too.
By the time I turned forty, I hit the 200 lb. mark and I was in the pre-diabetic range. It was time to put in the work. The fast-track diets were not going to take me to a permanent final destination.
I am lazy, messy, arrogant, impatient, and I think I know it all. I had to seek and accept help in order to achieve my goal of a healthy lifestyle and weight. The process humbled me. I was able to get to a healthy weight and I have managed to maintain it for over two years and counting.
I remind myself every day that I do not know everything, that other people can teach me a lot regardless of who they are or what they do. I tell myself daily that things will happen or come at the right time, which is not always when I want them.
I am always vigilant; I keep Dr. Arroganto at bay and let her come out only when it is absolutely necessary or when we are both alone.
Negative Inner Conflict – Ignored
One of my constant struggles is to take risks with people. I have a deep fear of rejection, of being mocked, and of being inadequate or insufficient.
It is only now, after so many years on this planet, that I am learning to manage those emotions and thoughts, to not let them hold me back and live in fear. This inner negative conflict may have started as a defense mechanism. I now know that I do not need that protection anymore; there is nothing to dread.
I constantly remind my gremlin Bob about his new job description: to cheer me up and encourage me to take risks.
Positive Inner Conflict – Nurturing
My positive inner conflict is, that once I am comfortable with people, I am loyal, accepting, and create deep connections.
I have multiple friends that have been in my life for more than 30 years. And that has been thanks to my loyalty, acceptance, and love.
I have worked for and with amazing people thanks to my emotional intelligence (both for self-regulation and empathy), desire to be inclusive, and deep connection.
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” Helen Keller
All of us are the beautiful combination of strengths, weaknesses, and positive and negative inner conflict.
Like the heat, pressure, time, and cuts that turn an ordinary rock into a diamond, our experiences, all of them, turn us into the amazing and extraordinary human beings we are.
I encourage you to share your diamond with the people who are important to you. Let them see you shine.
If you need some encouragement, watch this video… I feel inspired every time.
What are your diamond’s cuts? Please, let us know in the comments.
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to help women transition from mid to senior level leadership positions by creating awareness, increasing emotional intelligence, and unveiling the tools and choices available to them, so they can confidently realize and fulfill their potential.