Why Setting Goals is Scary: Uncover the Power of Creating Goals
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I often hear people say, “I don’t believe in goals” or “I don’t do resolutions.” Every time I come across these comments a bit of me dies of sorrow. Many people, including myself, are afraid of their own potential and what they can accomplish.
What if I actually achieved the bold goal I set for myself? What if I created an emergency fund that brought me peace of mind? What if I started exercising and became more active? How would these new things in my life change my perspective on the future?
There is so much unknown it is like a horror movie… We are on the edge of our seat because we need the relief of knowing what will happen. We are afraid of who we will become and what we believe we will “lose” as we go about life pursuing our goals.
For example, if I am trying to save money, then I would not go out every night with my friends and they may eventually stop inviting me. If I start exercising regularly, I will not be able to stay up late watching the eleven o’clock news… and if I do not do that, then who am I?
We know that the journey to achieving any goal will change us, and we fear that transformation. We may not be ready to become that next version of ourselves.
“A person should set their goals as early as they can and devote all their energy and talent to getting there. With enough effort, they may achieve it. Or they may find something that is even more rewarding. But in the end, no matter what the outcome, they will know they have been alive.” Walt Disney, American animator and producer
In this article, I will discuss four reasons why setting goals can be intimidating for us.
1) We have not learned how to do it yet
Setting goals is not an innate ability needed for our survival like walking, language, or recognizing emotion in others. The skill of goal setting is like learning how to type, or how to work in Excel. Our brain must make an initial effort to create the proper connections and pathways.
Many of us learn the ‘art and science of goal setting’ in our first serious job. If there is any type of training available in the company, it is usually a recorded one, quite basic, and catered to the specific system of record. Or the head of the team sets the goals for everyone, and it is a copy and paste exercise.
Setting goals is actually exciting because we can structure our dreams and future vision. Unlike languages that have grammatical rules, there is no right or wrong way to set goals. We can use words, images, or sounds to articulate our objectives.
Start by setting one and see how it feels. You can write it down the old fashion way with pen and paper (or chisel and rock), use the app of your choosing, or create a vision board.
“Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.” Tony Robbins, American author and professional speaker
2) We may be tribeless for a while
Belonging to a tribe (of family, friends, colleagues) is essential for our physical, mental, and emotional health.
The moment we write down our goals for the year, we are part of the 1-3% of the population who do so. This means that we may be the only ones in our tribe who actually write down goals.
We may feel different. Others may see us as ‘special.’ This is an uncomfortable sensation that many people cannot handle. For this reason, we end up with our old ways so we can blend in with our tribe and not be “kicked out” because we are the exception.
Imagine running a marathon. We start with a crowd of runners. At one point, our training kicks in and we start running faster. We are not with the professional runners yet and we are not with the group we started. We are in between.
At that point we may be running alone or alongside unfamiliar faces. Our cheering entourage may not have caught up with our new pace yet, so we do not recognize anyone on the sidelines. Still, there are people cheering us on.
This in-between period is the one where we may feel tribeless. We now have two choices: to slow down and catch up with our initial group or continue our progress and become part of a new tribe.
Either path is completely valid and understandable, and we may decide differently in each aspect of our life. We want to make a conscious decision instead of defaulting on one by inertia.
“Once you meet your tribe, you will begin questioning why you ever put up with anything less than the nourishing and supportive energy that they provide.” Unknown
3) Not achieving the goal
This is probably the most common reason people do not write down their goals. Once something is written or typed, it becomes official, like a contract. We now have a commitment to fulfill.
People often mask this fear with reasons such as ‘I like to see what the year brings’ or by sharing tepid goals like ‘The usual – work, going to the gym, maybe travel.’
By writing down your goals, you are already achieving something. Even if the results are not what you initially expected, the experience you would gain in the process is priceless.
A word of caution: When you look back at unaccomplished goals from previous years, you may feel frustrated, angry, or disappointed in yourself. There may be regret. A lot of it. At that point you may be wondering “why did I write this?” It would feel like having a permanent record of your failure. This is quite normal, and most people go through these emotions. Thankfully, they are temporary. Ride the wave. Use them to determine or reaffirm what truly matters to you. Take a deep breath, dust off those old goals, and give them another try.
“It must be borne in mind that the tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goals to reach.” Benjamin E. Mays, American Baptist minister and rights leader
4) Achieving the goal
I previously wrote how people are equally (if not more) afraid of success. Similar to the fear of not achieving the goal, attaining our objective is uncharted territory. We do not know what is at the peak of the mountain. We may be disappointed or excited or feel pressure to accomplish even more.
My favorite definition of success is the one from John C. Maxwell: “success is knowing your purpose in life, growing to reach your maximum potential, and sowing seeds that benefit others.”
The process, journey, path, and the impact we create are the key elements for our goals. The results serve as markers to determine our direction, assess our progress, and consider any necessary updates to our destination.
“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” Zig Ziglar, American author, salesman, and motivational speaker
One more thing before you go
Setting goals helps us prioritize our daily activities. It gives us direction on how we want to invest our precious time, allows to set clear boundaries, and it increases self-confidence when we see what we are capable of achieving and becoming.
When we have specific objectives in life, we can identify any misalignment between our values and aspirations, and our actions. Without goals, it does not matter what we do or what we believe in. We have no destination in mind. All routes are good for those going nowhere.
I invite you to experiment by setting one goal. It could be a fun one like a big trip somewhere or starting a new hobby. You can write it down, draw it, or make a collage… If you have kids in your tribe, involve them in the process and turn it into a fun family project. Once you finish, observe what is happening within you. What are your thoughts? What sensations are you feeling in your body? What will you do next?
Setting and pursuing our goals allow us to contribute to this world before we leave. Some of us will put in blocks at the base of future generations so they do not have to start from scratch. Others will go on top of prior contributions and enhance or enrich them. The size of the legacy is irrelevant. The important thing is to disrupt useless and destructive cycles of any kind and be 1% better today than we were yesterday.
What is keeping you from defining and pursuing your goals? Please, let us know in the comments.
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to empower underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions using mental fitness to achieve peak performance, peace of mind, and healthier relationships.