Discover Your Motivation To Meet Expectations

Posted On September 3, 2020

When I read Gretchen Rubin’s book The Four Tendencies I realized how I could communicate more effectively with others as I discovered their tendency. 

According to the author, there are four tendencies based on how each of us respond to inner (such as our personal goals) and outer (such as meeting work requests and deadlines) expectations. 

Upholders

This group wants to know the rules, the process or methodology to execute an action. They equally balance meeting their inner and outer expectations. 

When I communicate to colleagues in this category, I normally cite policy, regulations, etc. that they could reference in order to complete a project. 

Questioners

People in this category want rationale. They prioritize inner expectations above outer expectations. This means that in order for questioners to be motivated ‘the ask’ has to make sense to them. 

I identified clear questioners on my team. Since I learned about the four tendencies, I tend to add rationale to my requests. 

Obligers

This group honor outer expectations above inner expectations. They would prioritize activities that would impact others in the group. They tend to benefit from an accountability partner to accomplish their own goals. Obligers tend to be the largest group. 

When I communicate to the obligers on my team, I include the impact on other team members that their deliverable would have.

Rebels

People in this tendency have challenges meeting both inner and outer expectations. They want to have a choice. This one is the smallest group. 

I also have at least one rebel on my team so what I started to do was to include something related to the consequences of missing a deadline or not following a specific methodology. 

By asking the one simple question, “How do I respond to expectations?” we gain exciting insight into ourselves. And when we know how other people respond to expectations, we understand them far more effectively, as well. Gretchen Rubin

In Gretchen Rubin’s website you can take a self-assessment to know your tendency. 

I am a questioner. The moment I realized it, so many things started to make sense. I respond well to requests that have a rationale; it is not important if I agree with the rationale or not, it has to make sense. 

Of course, as I mature, I use a different tendency. I know that I have to wear a mask in public places (upholder), that making time for my friends and family is important (obliger), and that there are consequences (and choice) of having that third slice of pizza (rebel). 

“Knowing our Tendency can help us set up situations in the ways that make it more likely that we’ll achieve our aims. We can make better decisions, meet deadlines, meet our promises to ourselves, suffer less stress, and engage more deeply with others.” Gretchen Rubin 

Great leaders adapt their communication style and approach to individuals in their audience. They know that people are motivated differently and they cater to that internal force. 

In the comments, share what your tendency is; I would love to know more. 

My mission is to help women transform their inner voice from critic and withholder to champion and enabler, so they can confidently realize and fulfill their potential achieving what they want most for themselves, their families, communities, organizations, and teams.