Handling Change: Embracing Growth and Personal Development
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We know that change is the only constant, yet each time we experience it in any aspect of our lives, we tend to suffer, even if it is something we are seeking.
When a significant change happens – death of a loved one, loss of job, or the end of a romantic relationship – we not only find ourselves in unfamiliar territory in the present, but we also have to reconfigure our future. No wonder our brain goes bonkers with that much to handle!
To change means to cause something to be different, giving it a completely new form or appearance; it is a process of transformation.
The more I practice positive intelligence and mental fitness, the faster I can convert every situation, especially change, into a gift and opportunity. Reflecting on the significant changes in my life, I see clearly how without them I would not have evolved into the person I am today.
Each of us experiences phases of shock, denial, frustration, depression, experimentation, decision, and integration when faced with any type of change. It is within our control to determine how long we stay in each stage.
When we experience a change that we choose such as getting a new job, moving to a different city, or going away to college we tend to move through the first four stages more quickly.
When a change is initiated by external circumstances, we can choose to turn our perspective from ‘Why this is happening to me?!’ to ‘Great! I’m on board; let’s see what happens.’
This is easier said than done. How long we stay in each phase depends on our own resilience, the nature and magnitude of the change, and our ability to manage our saboteurs and inner blocks. We must cultivate curiosity, maintain an open mind, and be compassionate towards ourselves during this process.
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Socrates, Greek philosopher
Of the seven phases related to change – shock, denial, frustration, depression, experimentation, decision, and integration – I am going to focus on the last three.
Experimentation
Experimentation is the process of trying methods, activities, etc. to discover what effect they have. Whenever I come across this definition, I feel lighter. Why? Because experimentation offers countless possibilities for surprises, and it allows us to approach the results without any attachment.
When a change occurs, intentional or unexpected, it presents us with a valuable opportunity to embrace our curiosity and embark on a journey of discovery.
For example, imagine there is a reorganization at your company and they eliminate your position. This change is coming at you. Going through the first four phases quickly – shock, denial, frustration, and depression – will bring you to experimentation sooner. What if you decide to work for a different company? Or take an extended break? Do something completely different? Try all three?
Even though the change “happened to you”, by designing your own experiments you get back on the driver’s seat. And most importantly you detach yourself from the results because you are discovering what effects your actions would have.
“All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.” Ralph Waldo Emerson, American philosopher
Decision
Decision is a choice that you make about something after thinking about several possibilities.
Even if others initiate the change, we always have a choice.
During the experimentation phase, as you discover and gather results, you generate multiple options to choose from or decide upon.
The navigation power is quite useful in this stage. Visualize yourself one, five, ten or twenty years from now pondering each possibility. How would the future you feel about this decision? Would they regret it?
“You are not the victim of the world, but rather the master of your own destiny. It is your choices and decisions that determine your destiny.” Roy T. Bennett, author
Integration
Integration is the process of combining two or more things into one or becoming part of a group of people. It involves modifying our lives to accommodate new conditions.
In this process we use our ingenuity and creativity to imagine all the positive aspects of our new situation.
Using the prior example of losing your job, you can brainstorm a list of potential advantages such as the luxury of sleeping in on the following workday, enjoying an hour or two to yourself, finally organizing your closet, etc.
We often underestimate our ability to adapt to unfamiliar circumstances; in reality, we possess tremendous resilience that we tend to overlook.
“Integration is a basic law of life; when we resist it, disintegration is the natural result, both inside and outside of us. Thus, we come to the concept of harmony through integration.” Norman Cousins, American political journalist and world peace advocate
One more thing before you go
The only constant in life is change, yet our brain’s programing often leads us to resist rather than embrace it. Since we are no longer roaming in the wilderness, we can override the code and reprogram our mindset to welcome and even seek change.
Every situation is or can be converted into a gift and opportunity. How we perceive change is influenced by our energy levels, which are shaped by prior experiences, filters we created, and if the situation is considered stressful or not.
It is important to remember that we always have a choice, even if it is just choosing our attitude towards a given circumstance.
Because we have to readjust our default brain programing, change, especially significant ones, is our best teacher. Imagine a world where everything remained the same. We would be stuck in high school with that embarrassing pimple above our upper lip or trapped in unsatisfying jobs, relationships, or living situations simply because we fear change. I cannot imagine anything more boring than a life without change.
What do you do to embrace change? Please, let us know in the comments.
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to empower underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions using mental fitness to achieve peak performance, peace of mind, and healthier relationships.