How To Convert Every Event Into A Gift And Opportunity
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An old Chinese fable tells the story of a farmer and his family who live in a remote village. One of his most valuable possessions is a stallion that he loves very much. One day, the farmer enters the stallion in a village competition and wins first prize. All his neighbors come to congratulate him. The farmer, impassive, tells them ‘Who knows what is good and what is bad?’
The following week, after everyone in the surroundings heard the news of the stallion’s prize, thieves stole the farmer’s beautiful and prized stallion. The neighbors came by to let the farmer know how sorry they were for his loss. Again, the farmer told them ‘Who knows what is good and what is bad?’
A few days later, the stallion escapes the thieves’ stable and comes back to its righteous owner’s farm bringing a few mares he found on his way. The neighbors come back all happy to celebrate the farmer’s good fortune. Once again, the farmer tells them ‘Who knows what is good and what is bad?’
Some weeks later, one of the mares throws off the farmer’s son as he tried to break it in, and his leg is fractured. The neighbors came back to commiserate with the farmer, and he reminded them ‘Who knows what is good and what is bad?’
The following week, the imperial army marches through the village, conscripting all eligible young men for the war that has just broken out. The old farmer’s son is spared due to his broken leg. The neighbors no longer bother to come to the old farmer to congratulate him. By now they know what his response will be: ‘Who knows what is good and what is bad?’
“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” – Napoleon Hill, American author
Every day we choose how we face each life event – from anger, fear, stress, scarcity, or from joy, abundance, courage. All of us have a good wolf and a bad wolf in constant battle. Who will win depends on which one we feed.
Unfortunately, our inner critic, judge, or gremlin seems to speak louder than our sage. And the saddest thing is that we believe our inner critic when it says ‘you are not smart enough to open your own business’, ‘who do you think you are to apply to Harvard?’, or ‘you will always be alone because you are not good enough for anyone to love you’. Sounds familiar?
Our sage, on the other hand, is more discrete. Because it is so confident, it does not need to speak loudly, bully us, or belittle us.
Enter the sage
Each of us has an inner sage, who guides with wisdom and empowers us with unlimited potential.
Our sage represents the deeper and wiser part of us. It rises above the noise and chaos, and resists getting carried away by the drama and tension of the moment or falling victim to the lies of the inner critic.
The sage perspective is that every event in our lives is an opportunity (or can be actively turned into one) and an essential piece of the puzzle connected to the next event. There is no judgment of the situation, people, or self. How amazing is this?!
According to neuroscientists, the inner critic and the sage have their own region of the brain. The inner critic inhabits parts of the left brain, the limbic system, and the brainstem. The sage resides in parts of the right brain, prefrontal cortex, and the empathy circuitry.
Our brain’s default, which is survival, is on the inner critic domain. This is how we survived childhood into adulthood accomplishing Nature’s main purpose of survival of the species.
The key is to learn to shift from the inner critic path to that of the sage.
How can we shift and access our sage perspective more frequently?
In his book Positive Intelligence, Shirzad Chamine proposes the Three-Gifts technique – to come up with at least three scenarios where a supposedly bad situation could turn into a gift or opportunity.
For example, you are on your way to an important meeting at work. You left your house with enough time to arrive to the office fifteen minutes before the appointment time. On your way, there was an accident, and the police closed all lanes. Unless your car transforms into a flying object you will not be able to make it on time. You call your team member who worked on the presentation with you and ask her to lead the meeting. When you finally arrive, your boss asks you to see her. You are nervous; your first thought is that the meeting was a disaster because you were not there. To your surprise, your manager congratulates you for preparing your team so well. This was evidence that you are developing leaders on your team and hints to a promotion in your near future as there are others ready to take your role.
It does not matter if the opportunity will be realized in hours, days, or years. There are events in my life for which I still have not seen the gift and I know it is there to be revealed in due time.
Another option is, like Frozen, to let it go and put the event behind you without regret, disappointment, or distress. The beauty of it is that letting go is a gift in itself as we move away from judgment and toward the sage perspective.
One more thing before you go
In the same way that we all have at least one inner critic, we all have a powerful sage. All of us, if we put in the effort to feed the good wolf and lower our inner critic’s voice to a whisper, have the capacity to operate from the sage perspective.
The answers to all questions lie within. We know what we want. We know what the next step is to move closer toward our purpose. We hide behind the constant whining of ‘I don’t know what I want!’ or ‘I don’t know what to do!’
We can learn to summon our sage at will by shifting our perspective, increasing our awareness, and moving away from judgment. Anticipate how you will actively transform a potential ‘bad’ situation into a gift, or how you will let it go without regret, stress, or fear.
Tapping into our inner sage more frequently transforms all aspects of our life. We no longer eat out of stress or anger, so we choose food in alignment to the needs of our body. Chaotic days become a thing of the past because we can focus on what is important. Busyness is no longer a shield that we use because we fear becoming irrelevant.
Our sage guides us every step of the way. We take action, or not, based on love, joy, wisdom. We gain trust. We see the best in people and, by doing so, we reflect to them the best of us.
How can you transform adversity into a gift? Please, let us know in the comments.
Source: Positive Intelligence
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to empower underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions using mental fitness to achieve peak performance, peace of mind, and healthier relationships.