How to Trust the Process: Tips for a Better Life
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When I was growing up, I spent more than ten years in an amateur theater group. I attended twice a week for the entire year, but we only had one or two shows. We spent months rehearsing, refining our characters, and learning our lines and movements on the stage. It was both fun and intense. Because it was a small theater we could easily see (and hear) the audience from the stage. Distractions happened – someone arrived late, we accidentally looked at the audience and saw one of our friends laughing or staring… you name it. One of us would forget his or her lines or would miss the cue to enter the stage. The beauty of all the preparation was that we could easily continue with the play and the audience was none the wiser. As I gained more experience, I was able to adapt faster and improve my performance.
This is trusting the process. Going through all the preparation and then letting go and trusting that things will unfold as they must for that moment. The focus is on proficiency, not the final result.
This is one of the most liberating perspectives I have gained in the last couple of years. Trusting the process has freed me from perfection.
To gain proficiency we want to have all kinds of results. They provide the feedback we need for our next iteration. I now think of outcomes as indicators that supply information I use to plan the next milestone.
Instead of focusing on success and failure, I think about expected results. Did my approach meet my expectations? Do I need to change course or perform the activity in a different manner?
Trusting the process, along with other disciplines such as awareness, acceptance, and making conscious choices, allows us to frequently access our higher self, incorporate the sage perspective, and put our best foot forward without judgment, stress, or fear.
Here are some concepts to keep in mind as we embrace this discipline of trusting the process.
We Always Do the Best We Can and Nothing Else
With few exceptions, nobody wakes up every day with the intention of not doing their best.
When we see children at any age trying to learn something new, we tend to be very forgiving and encouraging. We are patient with their “failed” attempts. We naturally assume that they are doing their best.
As we become adults, the expectations immediately change – we are now supposed to know everything and perform flawlessly. The challenge is that we judge people as not doing their best based on what we consider to be “best”. We assume people “should” know certain things by now. The reality is that not everyone has been exposed to what we have experienced, and vice versa.
Let us shift that mindset to a kinder one and assume positive intent. You and I are doing the best we can with what we know today and in the circumstances we are currently in. So is everyone else.
“Do the best you can, with what you can, while you can, and success in inevitable.” Steve Maraboli from Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience
We Know More Than We Think We Know
Before the pandemic I attended a panel as part of the Hispanic heritage month activities. One of the panelists was Dominican and she was telling the story of coming to New York with her parents, who divorced shortly after their arrival. Her mom became a single parent working multiple jobs. The panelist continued to explain how she came home from school when she was twelve years old and had to take care of herself. Her mom’s favorite phrase, which of course I also heard even though my circumstances were different, was ‘¡Resuelve!’ – i.e., ‘Figure it out!’
As the panelist told the story, I could see and hear her mom telling her to figure things out. The penny dropped.
I (all of us, in fact) have been figuring things out for a while now. So, why am I so freaking scared when venturing into the unknown? I started a job in Corporate America at eighteen for crying out loud! I was managing people at twenty-one. Did I know what I was doing? Probably not. Did I figure it out? Well, I am still in the arena, am I not?
We all know how to learn, who and how to ask for help (even if not perfectly) and can outline initial action steps to close the knowledge or skill gap. We can figure things out.
As you contemplate that role in or outside of your company for which you meet fifty percent or more of the requirements, consider how you have figured things out up until now. You are more experienced and wiser now than when you started your first job. You know more than you give yourself credit for. Go ahead and at least schedule an informational interview to find out more about that job.
“Whatever the mind of people can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” Napoleon Hill, American self-help author
Performing on Autopilot
In our constant focus on results and perfectionism, some of us tend to overdo it – we over prepare and over practice. Because we want to control every aspect, we end up becoming too self-conscious.
When we consistently work on our learning and mastery plan, on the other hand, we will practice and prepare (without overdoing it). We, then, can allow ourselves to be on autopilot at the moment of performance.
I use my experience in theater very frequently especially when the moment of performance approaches. I remind myself of how I worked my plan, and how I can incorporate new information afterwards.
When I am facilitating a workshop or working on a new project, I prepare in advance, and at the moment of performance I confirm with that force inside me that all will be as it must be for me.
“If you ever want to be a decent player, you have to be able to use both feet without stopping to think about it.” Pele, Brazilian footballer
Trusting the Process When the Outcomes Are Not There
This is one of the most difficult things to internalize. We are working our plan and we are not seeing the results we expect. It is quite easy to stop the learning process, go back to our comfort zone, and give up.
Trusting the process means understanding that all experiences are part of the plan and are valuable.
When our expectations are not met, we tend to either look for a reason (Why did this happen? Who is responsible?) or a purpose (What did I learn that will help me meet the results the next time? What worked? What did not work?).
When we look for a reason, we tend to take no responsibility for using the experience for future actions. We let our saboteurs take over.
When we look for the purpose, we are staying in the growth and proficiency path; we add the unexpected or lack of results to our plan and adjust accordingly. We can convert the experience into a gift and opportunity.
“Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.” Dalai Lama
One more thing before you go
Assume positive intent with others and with yourself. We are all doing the best we can with what we know and what we have at that moment. Once we learn from the results and other factors, we will incorporate that knowledge and tools moving the line of “our best” further. It is a continuous movement toward growth and mastery. If you think you can stop because you are an adult now, I am happy to tell you that is not the case. We are constantly learning and graduating to the next level.
The expected outcomes of our goals and plans may or may not happen. They are outside of our control. And we want to welcome either one. The expected results will tell us to continue to the next step in our plan. The unexpected ones will tell us that we may need to modify or start over. Both are necessary.
We know more than we give ourselves credit for. I invite you to stop using the phrase “I don’t know”. I have recently discovered that I was using it as a protection from pain, as an excuse to not move my behind and take action about something. We know how to look for information on Google, YouTube, etc. We have people in our network with different expertise. We know how to read and understand the information we consume. We can “figure it out”.
How do you go about trusting the process? Please, let us know in the comments.
Source: The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)
As a leadership coach, I enable talent to achieve bold goals with high standards. My mission is to empower underrepresented women in the financial industry transition from mid to senior level leadership positions using mental fitness to achieve peak performance, peace of mind, and healthier relationships.